Love Part 3: Self-Love

52 Weeks - Week 9

“Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.” Veronica A. Shoffstall

Let’s define self-love just so we’re on the same page. I like this definition from Brain and Behavior Research Foundation, “self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness, taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others”. My own definition is a bit more to the point, “love yourself the way you want others to love you”.

“Self-love isn’t selfish, it’s essential.” Anonymous

Loving yourself is the most important thing you can do for a balanced, happy, loving life. Neuroscience research indicates that self-love has a positive impact on our emotional regulation and mental health by increasing activity in the prefrontal cortex, an area of the brain responsible for self-awareness and self-control; and decreasing activity in the amygdala, the area responsible for processing negative emotions such as fear and anxiety. Engaging in self-loving activities such as self-care, self-compassion, and mindfulness, rewires our brains to promote positive emotions and reduce negative ones, leading to lower levels of anxiety and depression and higher levels of happiness and life satisfaction.

“One of the best guides to how to be self-loving is to give ourselves the love we are often dreaming about receiving from others.” bell hooks

Like being loving to others, being loving to ourselves can benefits us in many ways. Our mental health is better, we have higher self-esteem and self-acceptances, are more motivated and determined, have increased self-awareness, are less anxious, and sleep better.

Ways to Be More Loving to Yourself

I am assuming you love yourself. Why? Because you deserve to be loved and your own love is the best love you can ever receive. I'm also assuming you know that, but if you are a little shaky there are a lot of ideas below to firm you up. There are lots of ways for you to show love to you.

1. Self-compassion. Be kind and loving to yourself, especially during challenging times—like, how you would treat a friend if they were experiencing hard times?

2. Self-knowledge. Communicate your needs. First, be clear on what you want. Second, let others know. You can’t expect someone to respect your boundaries if they don’t know there are boundaries.

3. Self-care. Do things that make you feel good, cared for. Some things that make me feel nurtured are taking long hot baths, early morning walks, drinking hot chocolate with lots of whipped cream—things like that. What makes you feel cared for? Create your own personal rituals that uplift you.

4. Self-esteem. Celebrate your accomplishments. Brag a little. Share with friends and family. Reward yourself!

5. Self-talk. Pay attention to your inner dialog. Practice positive self-talk. Catch any negative self-talk before it gets going.

6. Self-acceptance. Accept yourself as you are. Let go of whatever you feel is wrong with you by focusing on what is right with you. Sometimes it’s easier said than done, so, if you can’t see what’s right about you, ask a friend.

7. Self-awareness. Recognize when you need help and reach out to someone you trust. Seeking support is an act of self-love that allows you to receive the care and guidance you deserve.

8. Self-growth. Spend quality time with your inner being. Dive deep into yourself to discover who you are. Have inner conversations. Meditate, journal, reflect, do all those things that bring you closer to yourself.

Resources

Here are a few articles about the importance of self-love.

The Power of Self-Love

Self-Love and the Neuroscience Behind It

3 Powerful Science-Based Benefits of a Little Self-Love

Journal Prompts

· Write a letter to your now self, from your future self. Describe all the positive ways being self-loving has changed your life. You are writing from the future looking back, so get wild, use your imagination, pull out the stops. Let your now self really know how absolutely wonderful it is to love yourself!

Final Thoughts

All the love you could ever need or want is in you. Listen in, you will hear it softly speaking your name. It calls to you always, it never stops. Open your heart, let it out. It has to pass through you before it can be given to anyone else. That passing through, that’s your self-love. Accept it. Be it. Revel in it. Come on, you know you want to. It feels really good. And we all deserve to feel good!