“Yes, it is love that will save our world and our civilization, love even for enemies.” Martin Luther King Jr.
Did you know that besides all its positive benefits, love can deactivate the neural pathways responsible for negative emotions, such as fear and judgment? When people experience love, the ventral tegmental area (VTA) in the midbrain activates. The VTA, along with 12 other areas of the brain, release feel-good chemicals to reward behaviors connected to meeting basic survival needs. Love, it turns out, is actually a drive to fulfill a basic need!
“Love is a biological necessity—it’s as needed for our well-being as exercise, water, and food.” Stephanie Cacioppo, PhD
Research shows that people involved in heathy, happy marriages or relationships can experience longer life, healthier hearts, less depression, anxiety, and stress, fewer trips to the doctor, lower blood pressure, lessened acute or chronic pain, healthier gut microbiomes, and better sleep.
Just talking about a loved one increases blood flow to the amygdala, the hippocampus, and the prefrontal cortex, three areas of the brain’s reward circuit. Although the level of brain activity differs, the love we experience for a partner, a child, a pet, even a hobby or passion causes our brains to light up.
“Love stems from cooperation and cooperation is our route to survival.” Anna Machin
Humans need other humans in order to live. Forming and maintaining loving relationships creates a chain of cooperation wherein we care, like and help one another. Acting in a loving way, what researchers call compassionate love (versus passionate love) has a ripple effect beyond two individuals interacting. It directly influences others nearby in positive ways, and can collectively raise up a group, leading to more kindness, and more prosociality.
“Love is lovely. Let it grow.” Eric Clapton
Research has also shown that being within a supportive social network can reduce the risk of mortality by 50 percent, and that having good-quality social relationships is the most important factor in your health, happiness, and life satisfaction.
Ways to Be More Loving
Here are some ideas on how to be more loving with the people in your world.
1. Be the one to reach out in good times and especially, in bad times. Make the first move to your partner or sweetheart, friends, family, co-workers, and even strangers.
2. Treat others with loving kindness. Make it a practice to respond in this way EVEN when others don’t. It builds your compassion muscles and allows your heart to shine. Check out the article, 87 Ways to Be Kind and Loving in Resources below.
3. Observe yourself in your daily interactions. How loving are you throughout your day, to yourself and to others? Find the places where you could up your game, such as lending a helping hand, offering words of comfort, or running errands for someone who can’t get out. There are lots of ways to express love meeting the needs of someone else. This is a good way to get in the flow of it and eventually stay there as a way of being.
4. If you’re in a drama with someone, ask yourself how you can resolve it in a loving way. Be creative, let go of being right, talk it out if you can, find a solution that suits you both, if there is one, or if nothing works agree to disagree.
5. Smile and make eye contact—it’s an offering, and a practice to connect with another human. Connection opens doors to friendship, cooperation and working together. That benefits everyone.
6. Be creative in the ways you give and receive love. You can bring so much joy to yourself and others when you love unconditionally, without a ‘what’s in it for me?’ attitude. That’s when the magic happens. What you give comes back in delightful ways!
Resources
Ten Surprising Health Benefits of Love
What Happens in Your Brain When You’re in Love?
Journal Prompts
Explain what love is to you.
How do you express your love for yourself? For others?
What are some ways you can let more love into your life, both giving and receiving?
Who do you love unconditionally? Why?
Final Thoughts
The quote above, “love is lovely, let it grow” is the best advice I can give for feeling better. And once you do, share it with others so they can feel better and in turn they can share it. And so it goes. It’s free, it’s easy and so worth it. This is how love grows—we give it away—and in doing so, we grow a better world!