Complaining

52 Weeks - Week 11

“Research shows that most people complain once a minute during a typical conversation.” Travis Bradberry, Ph.D.

Complaining is bad for your health and the health of your friends! When you complain your brain creates cortisol, the fight or flight chemical. Overtime, lots of complaining and extra cortisol can impair your immune system making you more susceptible to high cholesterol, diabetes, heart disease, obesity and more prone to having a stroke.

“Over time, complaining becomes a habit. If you’re surrounded by complainers, you’re more likely to become one.” Stephanie Vozza

How does you complaining effect your friend’s health? The basis of our ability to feel empathy is a process in our brains called neuronal mirroring, where we unconsciously mimic the moods of the people around us. When we complain, in essence, so do the friends we are complaining to. It’s just like inhaling second-hand smoke—none of the fun but plenty of the ill-effects.

“Did you know that complaining is rewiring your brain and damaging your health?” Tara Pisano

Research from Stanford University shows that complaining shrinks the area of the brain—the hippocampus—that is critical to problem solving and intelligent thought. Scientists say that in your brain “neurons that fire together, wire together”. Repeated complaining rewires your brain to make future complaining easier and eventually complaining becomes your default behavior.

Some solutions to complaining

1. Catch yourself complaining. Most people complain to relieve stress or to vent, not to resolve a problem. If you want to change how often you complain, no matter what you are moaning about, ask yourself a few questions. First, listen to yourself, are you just whining or is this a real issue for you? Second, is your complaining helping? Third, what can you do, besides complain, to resolve your problem? If there is nothing you can do to fix the situation, let it go (at least for now). Think about the issue later when you are calmer and can get a different perspective.

2. Shift to gratitude. Catch yourself when you want to complain, preferably before you start. Change the subject and redirect your attention to something you are grateful for. Researchers at UC Davis found practicing daily gratitude can reduce cortisol levels by 23%, improve your mood and energy, and decrease anxiety.

3. Talk to a friend or counselor. Instead of just blowing off steam, explain your problem and ask for advice. Sometimes it helps to have another perspective. If you really don’t want any advice maybe you just want to complain, see below.

4. Record yourself. Next time you feel like complaining, go for it, but not to another person. Record yourself, don’t hold back. If it feels silly, pretend you’re talking to the friend who usually listens to your griping. Afterwards, listen to your recording. How does it make you feel? Juvenile? Embarrassed? Like you have a legitimate issue? Figure it out and if it is real for you take it to someone who can help you solve it.

5. Pay attention. How does it feel when someone complains to you? And goes on and on? Yep, it gets old fast. Do your friends a favor and catch yourself before you get sucked in to spewing negativity all over them…and yourself.

6. When friends complain. When a friend goes on and on complaining and you’re trying to change the subject but it isn’t working, give advice. They don’t want it. Don’t want to hear it. Just want someone to spew to. What I’ve found over the years is that giving advice, off the top of my head (with no intention of solving their problem because they are not interested in that) usually works after two or three of my suggestions. The friend suddenly has to go and does.

Resources

Here are several good articles on complaining, well worth reading.

Complaining is Bad for your Brain!

Why Complaining May Be Dangerous to your Health.

How Complaining Rewires Your Brain for Negativity.

Journal Prompt

At the end of the day, think about, then write or draw your complaining experiences for that day. If you’re not sure what to do, use the questions below to get started.

· Did you notice how much you complain?

· Did you catch yourself before you started to complaint? Describe your experience.

· Were you able to catch yourself in time to substitute gratitude for your complaining?

· What do you think of shifting your attitude to one of gratitude?

· Did you notice how much your friends/family/co-workers complain?

· Any other thoughts or feelings about complaining?

Final Thoughts

You are embarking on a life challenge to shift your thinking—in a big way! It is an intense practice, which takes awareness, courage and wanting to make a change. Not so easy at first, but once you start it’s hard to ignore your own complaining! As you begin shifting into a more positive mindset, you will feel better, not just when you choose not to complain but most of the time.