Choosing Joy

52 Weeks - Week 20

None of us knows how long we will have to walk this planet we call home, but as long as we are here we can choose to walk with joy. Matt Killingsworth Ph. D.

One morning, a few years ago, I woke up in a state of sparkling, effervescent joy, feeling good in every possible way—body, mind and spirit. It was lovely and precious because normally I didn’t feel that way. Not that I felt bad, my normal level was usually parked in the middle of the neutral zone between good and bad feelings. But this. This gift. This gorgeous joyful presence that somehow was me! I was wowed!

And I realized I’d never felt this way before in my day-to-day except when I used to swim with dolphins. Ecstatic, blissful, heart-opening, deeply fulfilling on every level, back then with spinner dolphins, and this one morning. Only one morning. But that was all it took to convince me that I wanted joy all the time, and so, I began to cultivate my joy.

“Focus on creating joy in your own life and sharing it with others, and you’ll naturally attract even more joy.” Tony Robbins

After that experience, I realized that my set-point, that place within that sets the tone for my everyday frame of mind, was not set at joy. Paying attention to what mood I woke up to each day was an eye-opener. I wasn’t particularly happy but I wasn’t sad or depressed either. I was just kind of neutral. I choose to change that. Don’t get me wrong, I had fun and lots of happy times but these would come and go. What I wanted was a change of consciousness, a shifting of my inner foundation so the overall essence of my ‘normal’ feelings lightened up. I wanted the consistent sparkling, effervescent joy as my set point!

“When we choose to approach challenges in the company of joy and hope, we are investing in our own well-being and our future.” Akivah Northern

I used my waking-up-in-joy experience as a touchstone. I practiced feeling it over and over, especially when I wasn’t feeling good. I practiced doing all the things that made me feel joy: connecting with family and friends, being kind and giving what I could, getting out in nature, appreciating beauty, things like that. I still do all these things because I want to feel this way every morning and all day long. So, when I wake up not joyful, I tune in to that feeling until I am feeling it. And my set point is not neutral anymore.

“Find joy in your life, and if you can’t find it, choose joy and it will find you.”

I want to add that this is not pretending to be joyful when things are awful—like now in our country. There is lots to be upset about. I wake up in the middle of the night worried and fearful for our country and it’s people. I get up and meditate—not to erase the fear but to embrace it and know it’s not my story that scares me—it’s the story of people who are trying to convince me to live in their reality. I have a choice about how I feel and what I think. I choose joy even thought things look like they are falling apart. To hold on to joy and her sister hope in these scary times is choosing to live in your truth and to stand up for what you believe.

Cultivating Joy

Choosing to be joyful is an act of consciousness. That’s the first step—you have to want it. The second step is simple because many of the things we naturally do create joy in our lives. And like me, with my waking-up-in-joy experience, we just have to wake up to the joy already in our lives. Remember, as Indian yoga guru, Jaggi Vasudev says, “The most beautiful moments in life are moments when you are expressing your joy, not when you are seeking it.”

Part 1: Assessing your state of joy: This is an on-going practice as we are continually fine-tuning our experience of being joyful.

1. What is your set-point? Take a minute, before you get out of bed in the morning, to assess your mood. How do you feel? Note that feeling. Do this each morning for a week or two and you will have a good idea of your set-point. If you are content with your bottom line ‘feeling foundation’ that’s good. If you are not, change it using some of the ideas in Part 2.

2. Look for the joy in your life. Where is it? What gives you joy naturally? So often in our day-to-day lives we have opportunities to rise to the occasion and make choices that benefit not only ourselves but others as well. How often do you choose joy verses not choosing it?

3. Joy is an inside job. While I was researching this topic I found a lot of discussion on the difference between joy and happiness. To sum up what feels true to me: joy is internal, constant, present, and independent of circumstance. While happiness is a temporary state of mind, dependent on external circumstances. Both are good, but joy sets the stage for more happy because joy is a state of being and happy is an experience.

Part 2: Cultivating your joy: Don’t wait until you’ve finished Part 1. Start these practices right away.

4. The more gratitude you feel the more joy you feel! And the more joy you feel the more gratitude you feel. These two emotions go hand-in-hand and just keep feeding each other. So, if you have misplaced your joy find your gratitude! List or draw all of the things you are joyful or grateful for in your life—even if you aren’t feeling them this red-hot minute. It won’t take long before you easily rediscover your inner goodness!

5. Kindness and giving bring joy. Being kind is its own special reward because when you are kind you are literally giving away your joy. It feels good down deep and tops off your well of inner joy. It’s a win-win situation. Like being grateful, being kind and giving of yourself only escalates your state of joy.

6. Choose joy. Make a commitment to yourself and your life to give yourself the awesome pleasure of being joyful. State it each morning, after you assess your level of joy-ness, no matter where that lands. “I choose joy this day.” Give yourself this gift.

Resources

Besides my own experiences with joy, I‘ve included several articles. The first one, How to Find Joy has a YouTube video with Tony Robbins priming his audience for joy. It’s pretty cool and worth checking out.

How to Find Joy

Cultivate Joy to Improve Well-being

How Joy is Linked to Gratitude and Well-being

Journal Prompt

· Describe your set-point?

· If need be, what can you do to change your setting?

· What simple, easy for you acts of joy do you naturally do each day? For yourself? For others?

· What circumstances challenge your ability to feel joyful?

· List some ways you can overcome your challenges.

Final Thoughts

After I realized my set-point was so non-joyful, I consciously choose to be joyful. It is not always easy, especially when I like to be right, have the last word and get caught up in the BS of the world situation. However, I like feeling good more than I like those things I just named. It’s taken me a while to arrive in this place where joy is the choice but now I live here.